Agree on how to decorate it? Now, I really don't care if it ever gets decorated. I listen all the time to 'his stuff' but anything I say is interrupted or ignored. I have told him over the last 5 years about health issues I have, and are only going to get worse, but unless I present with a broken leg in a plaster cast he won't take any of it in. I keep going. When I was sent home all he said was he had missed me because he needed me to do the house work. But does that mean his deficits are my fault? I have abandoned all hope of a normal, sociable life of partnership with my husband.
We sit out a waiting game. Which of us will die first? In truth I wish I could wake up dead tomorrow. Quote, "I never feel humiliated. My husband with ASD of 20 years said this. There's no understanding of emotions in ASD. They claim they have empathy but they have no understanding of the profound consequences of emotion.
The only emotions they feel are negative fear and worry. My undiagnosed AS husband of 20 years was so oblivious he almost let me die at home this winter. Thank angels for my daughter who checked up on me and saved my life from ending there on the sofa from a serious illness. I can't even describe what it is like to be in a marriage like this but i am glad to have found this site. Love to you all. This is a much-appreciated, validating site.
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Scary but necessary to share my experience. I was in a relationship with an undiagnosed AS man for nearly six years; still suffering some PTSD, Cassandra syndrome, over two years later. Was frequently abused physically and emotionally. The worst was when, during a visit to our jointly-shared storage unit, he threw a wreath laced with sharp seashells into my forehead, cutting me up - it was like "the crown of thorns," blood trickling down my face - I had simply suggested that he put some high school and college journals that had been sliding around in the back of the car for seven months into the unit!
I was shoved into the car and, when we returned home, I was crying and bleeding. I asked, "What if I have scars?
Separate bedrooms, robotic sex, no passion, no empathy, all sorts of secrets and information withheld from me OCD, totally regimented behavior I was an easy target all of the time, although I tried and tried to support all of his obsessions, to the detriment of my own interests and well-being. Constant isolation, silent treatment, leading to despair and sadness. Fake persona displayed to neighbors and his few family members, and after those rare visits and encounters he would become completely debilitated and totally unresponsive to me.
I was lucky to have been able to extricate myself from this relationship- I am strong and have been able to rebuild my life, but still sustaining horrific nightmares sometimes.
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To those involved-- all of you NT's -- my deepest empathy. Had I understood what I was getting into at the beginning, I would have run for my life much earlier.
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There is hope, and help, and you are not alone!!! I've read alot of the testimonials and realise how old some of us are. Aspergers hadn't been identified when a lot of us met our husbands. In fact I guess we had already gone through a nightmare of 20 years before having any idea. I know I did. From the time I met him I looked after him. All I am now is his carer.
There is no partnership. There is no 'doing things together ' I listen to him when he's ' banging ' on about things. I say ' I'm not disagreeing with you ' but still he goes on and on as if I was. He isn't all bad. In a lot of ways he could be described as a nice guy. But he has no understanding of a marriage partnership. No idea of anything that I might need. There is no spontaneous affection.
If I get a hug its because he has suddenly remembered that that's what NT s want. Let's not be silly here. Our wedding was in He was intelligent, charming, in an excellent job. He was 34, i was A year later i became pregnant with twins. He went to work. I had to call ambulance. Lost twins. Hospital rang him at work.
He remained at work, stopped in on way home. Gave me gift of perfume, no hug or comforting.
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Worked all next day,again stopped at hospital on way home. I was sent home with him. Next day he went off on 3 day business trip, i laid in bed and cried, all alone. We eventually had a beautiful son. He has no affection for him, treats him either like a playmate or emotional punching bag. He had high level job in Manhattan, company gave him big promotion.
He accepted new position, then walked out to work with man he hardly knew. Lasted 3 months, he walked out. Unknown to me, he stopped paying our mortgage. When bank about to reposess house he took off to Wisconsin leaving me and our son to discover our home was no longer ours. We moved to Florida. Husband began coming to visit, then showed up demanding to move in. Our son married, moved to Seattle away from his father.
My life has always been focused on our son, protecting him. Now husband is 79, i am Divorce at this stage of life not for me. He continues believing he is perfect husband and father, my son and i could fill several books with the Hell he has put us through over the years. I have friends and social life and live separate life from husband who has never had a friend nor wants one and his family closed their doors to him many years ago.
I have recently discovered Aspbergers and now can understand all of what i have endured. There should be required testing before marriage licenses are issued so people can know beforehand and have ability to walk away and find a loving caring happy marriage with someone else.. I am married to an undiagnosed Aspergers or ASD 46 year old man for 19 years. We have 2 kids, boy and girl, our boy is diagnosed ASD because I pushed to know what was going on and needed to know how to help him. My marriage or should I say lack of relationship has become intolerable.
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I am trapped in this loveless home, where there is no joy, no love, only existing I am the care giver to all 3, my husband is the bigger child. His moods are terrible, coming home from work creates and anxiety I cannot describe as am I going home to Jekyll or Hyde. I want to stay in our home with our kids and have asked him to leave and he refuses saying we leave in a box.
I do not want to unsettle my kids but I think I will have to go uprooting my little ones all to give him his own way, yet again. It's his way or no way.